Bismillahi ar-Rahman ar-Raheem
We do know parenting is a huge responsibility. As Muslim parents, we strive to the best of our ability to raise righteous offspring who would love Allah, obey Him and His Messenger because of accountability before Allah on the Day of Judgement.
Abdullah ibn Umar reported: The Messenger of Allah, peace, and blessings be upon him, said, “Everyone of you is a shepherd and is responsible for his flock. The leader of people is a guardian and is responsible for his subjects. A man is the guardian of his family and he is responsible for them. A woman is the guardian of her husband’s home and his children and she is responsible for them. The servant of a man is a guardian of the property of his master and he is responsible for it. No doubt, every one of you is a shepherd and is responsible for his flock.” Source: Ṣaḥīḥ al-Bukhārī 6719, Ṣaḥīḥ Muslim 1829 Grade:
So we have this responsibility established in our religion but how well do we carry it out? Do we make excuses for our kids? Yep EXCUSES!
Here’s a scenario; a father is walking down the road with his 6yr old daughter when he notices she’s staring at some boys/men till she almost hit a pole. He got angry and started accusing her of looking at males that girls don’t stare at boys. This reaction might then cause the child to add new meaning to her stare and start to question; why not?
It would have been better for the father to have overlooked, and assume she’s just an innocent kid curious about her environment then gently admonish her saying “you know it’s not nice to stare at people because it could make them uncomfortable, do you see me stare?
Allah says in the translation of the meaning;
“Invite to the way of your Lord with wisdom and good instruction, and argue with them in a way that is best. Indeed, your Lord is most knowing of who has strayed from His way, and He is most knowing of who is [rightly] guided.” Surah An-Nahl vs 125
Or you go into the kitchen to find that your little one has flooded the floor with water. Instead of spanking him out of anger, take a moment to figure out what he was trying to do with the cup in his hand.
Another scenario; your kid comes back from school at 4 pm, eats lunch, immediately you order him to start his homework then he says no or intentionally does the wrong thing. Make excuses for him, perhaps he needs a nap or wants to play, besides he must be tired.
Bottom line, kids aren’t ROBOTS! They are fellow human beings who deserve kind treatment and a benefit of doubt as well. Though through research I found that the hadith of “making 70 excuses is not authentic”, I did find a quote on it;
Hamdun Al-Qassar, may Allah have mercy on him, said, “If one of your brothers commits an error, then seek seventy excuses for him. If your hearts do not accept it, then know that the fault is with yourselves.”
Source: Shu’ab al-Imān 10436
It is best to have good thoughts of people and try to see things from a different perspective.
However, since the children are our responsibility, they have the right to be guided, admonished and disciplined but let’s endeavour to apply this to our tarbiyah so our kids may increase in love and trust towards us.
This is an advice to me first.
Subhaanaka allaahumma wa bihamdik ashadu anlaailaaha illa anta astaghfiruka wa atoobu ilayk.
By Bint Abdul-Lateef